What Makes Cheating Spouses Cheat?
Have you ever wondered what makes cheating spouses cheat in the first place? They certainly didn’t get married with the intention of being unfaithful to their spouse, so why did they do it?
Many "infidelity experts" on the internet these days are offering solutions on how to find PROOF that will expose your spouse or catch them "in the act". But instead of putting 100% of your effort in finding solid proof, your energy would be better spent understanding what went wrong in your marriage.
It’s fairly common for "chronic" cheating spouses to give up on a relationship the moment things start to become a little difficult.
Rather than admitting and accepting that there’s a problem in their marriage, they look for someone else to fulfill their needs. These "needs" could be anything from a physical connection to strictly intellectual relations leading to an emotional affair.
Affairs take place because one spouse’s needs are no longer being met by their partner. Cheating spouses are then drawn to someone else who WILL (temporarily) meet those needs.
What increases the chance of an affair taking place is when a man marries a woman who idealizes love and spends her whole life going in and out of marriages in search of her "perfect soul mate".
Soul mates may exist in romance movies but in real life, it takes work to create a lasting relationship.
Like it or not, marriage is WORK…but it doesn’t have to be "hard" work.
If you want win your spouse over after an affair, you need to know how to meet his/her needs.
Every couple goes into marriage with expectations of each other that are NEVER CLEARLY DISCUSSED simply because they don’t REALLY understand, nor can they clearly explain what their own expectations are…let alone their spouses!
Cheating spouses cheat because they’re in search of unmet, yet unspoken deep emotional needs. It’s as simple as this…..
If YOU aren’t meeting your spouse’s needs, they will find SOMEONE ELSE who WILL!
This fact is also one of the reasons why most affairs don’t last.
Let me explain…
When your spouse met this other man/woman, they THOUGHT that this other person was meeting their needs, but what was really happening is they were blinded by the "Romance" stage of a relationship.
You and your spouse went through this stage also. If you think back to the beginning of your relationship, you may not have noticed at the time, but the two of you were on your BEST behavior.
Looking back, it might even seem like your spouse was a different person back then.
The reason?
There is actually a chemical released in your brain that makes you feel "infatuated" with this other person. It would even be safe to say that cheating spouses can’t think straight when they’re caught up in this "biological phenomenon".
This is also why some couples make irrational decisions early in their relationship, like going off to Las Vegas and getting married on a whim. Down the road, after the Romance stage of their relationship is over, many of these couples eventually get divorced.
So if you’re worried that your cheating spouse is "in love" with this other person, chances are, the affair is VERY short lived…which means you STILL have a chance to win over your spouse!
You owe it to yourself (and your children if you have them) to give your marriage a second chance. In fact, here’s a statistic that might give you some inspiration….
A study from the Institute for American Values found that "almost eight out of 10 couples who avoided divorce were happily married five years later."
If you can just get over this affair, this obstacle in your marriage, and start meeting each other’s needs, I promise you, your marriage will be much stronger and more fulfilling than it was…even BEFORE the affair took place.
Want to get back on track with the one you love? Find out if you're already on The "Secret Path" To Divorce and learn how to stay off it forever. Get your FREE Special Report at: http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com/secret.html.
posted by KristenB at
11:41 PM
2 Comments:
You said that they are not actually in love with the other person, but my husband is in love with is "freind". I don't know what I have done wrong in your mini course but this marriage will be over in a couple of weeks. I need help.
By
Anonymous, at 11:56 PM
I know you said you need help and that your marriage will be over in a couple of weeks, but you know what, Anonymous?
I have the answer for you and your husband. It is THE answer to put an end to all the misery that you implied in your email.
Your only relief is being able to vent these frustrations like gasses under pressure, only to find the pressure building up again because the two of you do not want to learn the real source of all this ugliness.
The answer I have for you is not AN answer, it is not PART of the answer, is it not helpful information, it is THE answer. The only one the two of you need. It is not what marriage counselors do, and therapists don't know this answer either.
The hardest part of what I do is watching people fight each other with all their might on the way to divorce while I sit here with the final solution.
A recent couple I've helped, Heidi and Mark Mann were exactly where you are now, but they were willing to give me four weeks before they made their final decision...here's what they said...
“I think I could write a book about the Marriage Lifeline. Two women have already come to me wondering "what we did!?!" "Why are we so happy?!" This is unlike any marriage counseling we have heard of or experienced! It has blown us away! I am in awe of the change that has taken place in each of us and in our marriage! Never! would I have believed it if someone had just told me! But we experienced it! Larry took us places we have never been before! Everything was positive. Larry never scolded us for what we have done in the past. What he showed us was so easy to understand and easy to do! I was thinking that if Mark and I stayed together that it was going to be a long hard road ahead of us. But it is so great already. I love my husband and he loves me! We didn't feel this great when we got married! I feel like we eloped! :)
Except now our honeymoon is with 4 kids, but we look forward to their bedtime every single night, just so we can be alone together! Our kids have changed a lot since we started the Marriage Lifeline. We noticed it after just the first two weeks. They are much happier and comfortable at home with us. I think they feel more loved and secure. I just can't say enough about the Marriage Lifeline. We are a walking advertisement!”
- Mark & Heidi Mann
What makes Mark & Heidi Mann's story more important, is that I got this email from Heidi's mother, who sent it to a mutual friend. Here is Heidi's mother's note.
"Dear Mark, One of our married children has had problems in their marriage from the beginning. Married for 11 yrs, 4 children 9,6,4,2. Both are Born Again Christians. They asked for help several times at their church but the resources are not there. My daughter called me crying before Christmas telling me she wanted out, and confided that she had been thinking of much worse. No infidelity, no abuse. Just struggling to keep it all together wanting more than they had. Heidi said, I don't love Mark and I can't see us being together anymore. We got them in to see another pastor and he was great but it meant driving 3+ hrs every 1-2 weeks. It wasn't enough.
(This is when it gets good!)...
None of us knew about the "Marriage Lifeline" with Larry Bilotta. Heidi finally called, and got in at the very end. Mark is a teacher, Heidi is a stay at home mom. Larry worked with them himself. That was one month ago. Heidi had been sleeping on the couch since November. Just recently she called me and asked if I could baby sit! She was planning a weekend away for her and Mark! This is a 180 in just 4 weeks. "Marriage Lifeline" is truly a "Gift from God". I thank God every day (right now every hour of the day) that you and people like Larry are using their gifts!!"
-Dan and Nancy Junio
Another couple, Jim and Carla Ranson were where you are too. They gave me four weeks on the stipulation that if this did not work immediately, Carla would file for divorce:
“I often felt that marriage counseling tried to change us or fix us. This often created resentment. The Marriage Lifeline took a very innovative approach in that it helps you take a look at the good in the person you married. It helps you focus on why you fell in love in the first place and reveals the true reasons for hurt and conflict in our lives. No blame, no guilt and no fixes that never last. Just a study in what is simply good in each other. What an awesome way to re-connect. Thanks Larry, if I could, I would hug you.”
- Jim & Carla Ranson
Anonymous, I know you may think it does not matter what happened to other people. You're probably saying to yourself, "Our situation is much worse."
But let me tell you...your situation is not worse...or even that different from anyone else's. If you want to get your husband back, and find out if there is any hope left in your marriage...just participate in one Marriage Lifeline phone call.
http://www.stopyourdivorcein4weeks.com
Larry Bilotta
By
KristenB, at 11:20 AM
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